Stop Waiting to Feel Ready—How to Create Midlife Confidence

If You’re Waiting To Feel Confident Before You Take Action, You’ll Be Waiting Forever.

Here’s a little midlife real talk, confidence isn’t something everyone but you is born with. And confidence will not just show up one day. It’s built. Brick by brick. By f*cking doing the thing you’re afraid to do.

We spend so much time waiting to do the thing until we feel confident when in fact, we need to reverse engineer it. Do the thing and you’ll build your confidence.

Why So Many Midlife Women Lose Confidence

If you’re a woman over 40 and feeling like your confidence got lost somewhere between your last birthday, the laundry pile, and the 47 work emails you have to reply to, you’re not alone. Women in midlife face a unique kind of confidence crisis, and it’s not because we’re suddenly incapable—it’s because of a lifetime of conditioning and bullshit narratives.

Here’s the nitty gritty as to why we feel our confidence has left the building after 40:

1. We’ve been trained to be “good girls.”
   From day one, we’re taught to be polite, accommodating, and not too much. Over time, this chips away at our ability to trust ourselves and take up space. (Ask me how I know!) Then, when we get to midlife and want to put attention on our own needs and desires, we feel we’re doing something wrong. Because what has society told us good girls/good women do? Sacrifice and put everyone else first. We feel like we’re doing something wrong if we ask,“what would feel good to me?” So you see the conundrum we end up in. To learn more, check out the blog post I wrote about it and what you can do about it: The Good Girl Myth: Why Midlife Women Are No Longer Buying It.
   
   
   

2. We’ve spent decades putting others first.
   Kids. Partners. Aging parents. Coworkers. By 40,  women have spent so much time taking care of everyone else, they’ve forgotten how to prioritize themselves. They feel like they’re doing something wrong if they ask, “what do I want?”. If this is ringing true for you and you’re feeling like you are the only one, you are definitely NOT! This is THE #1 thing I help my clients with when we start working together. They have forgotten what they want because they’ve spent all their energy caring for others and because this is what society tells us “good” women do.
   
   
   

3. Western society tells us we’re “past our prime.”
   You know my response to that, “F*ck That!” Confidence isn’t about youth, it’s about lived experience and choosing to show up vibrantly. We are bombarded with messages that say after a certain age we’re washed up and we’re too old to start over. Over time, start believing them. Toss in toxic beauty standards that tell us we have to “reverse the signs of aging” because we lose value as we age. It’s no wonder women start to doubt their worth after 40.
   
   
   

4. We’re afraid of failing.
   After years of staying in our own box while helping everyone around us reach their goals, trying something new—starting a business, changing careers, dating again—can feel terrifying. Our biggest fear is, “What if I fail?” (Spoiler Alert: failure is how you learn.) When you take a risk, you either get closer to what you want, or you learn and you pivot. There is no such thing as failure in midlife. Unless you’re not trying.
   
   
   

5. We’ve been conditioned to seek approval.
   Women are taught to seek external validation—likes, compliments, gold stars. We are taught this is how we get our value. The problem? This keeps us playing small. True confidence comes from trusting yourself, not from what other people think. And this takes breaking that good girl conditioning which take a WHOLE lot of confidence! But is SO f*cking worth it!
   
   
   
   

How Lack of Confidence Keeps You Stuck

If you don’t truly believe you ARE a woman that can live her dreams, you’ll keep waiting. Waiting for the “right time.” Waiting to feel ready. Waiting for someone to give you permission. Waiting to feel confident. News flash! You may never get any of these things!

And some tough love coming at ya but while you’re waiting, the clock is ticking. Life is happening. Opportunities are passing you by. The version of you that wants more is sitting in the background, watching, wondering what it would be like to actually go for it.

The truth? Confidence is built in motion. You don’t wait for confidence to take action—you take action, and confidence follows.

5 Ways to Build Unshakable Confidence in Midlife

We are done f*cking waiting. Here’s how you start building real, rock-solid confidence:

1. Get comfortable making decisions (even small ones).
   Confidence comes from trusting yourself. Start with small decisions—what restaurant to go, what plan to implement in a business meeting, what outfit makes you feel like a badass, or how to spend money on yourself. Stop outsourcing your choices. We are finished deferring to others.
   
   
   

2. Do the thing before you feel ready.
   This is the most potent way to build your confidence. Confidence comes after action, not before. Don’t wait until you feel ready. You probably won’t. Do it anyway. And guess what, once you do it, you’re building that magical thing called self trust and showing yourself you CAN do the thing. And guess what? This will make the next scary thing, so much easier.
   
   
   

3. Challenge the “rules” you’ve been following.
   Who says you have to dress a certain way, act a certain way, or follow the same path? My new mantra? F*ck the Rules. All these do is keep us small. We as women live with invisible, societal rules that were written for us but Do Not Serve Us! Society does not want us in our power, that’s why we’re conditioned as young girls to be low maintenance, to be seen and not heard, to be “good girls.” I cohosted a podcast episode on this exact thing, “Brooke Shields Is Not Allowed To Get Old,” check it out. There’s so much empowering truth in there. Come to find out, female celebrities deal with confidence issues and the “good girl” conditioning, just like us regular gals. ;)
   
   
   

4. Speak up and take up space.
   Stop apologizing. (How many times to women apologize for things that don’t need an apology?) Stop downplaying your ideas. Say what you mean, ask for what you want, and own your voice. Get used to pushing back a little if someone has an opinion you disagree with. Don’t worry about creating waves or rocking the boat. It’s time for your voice to be heard.
   
   
   

5. Do hard shit on purpose.
   Confidence is NOT built in your comfort zone. Try something that scares you. Lift heavier weights. Take a belly dance class. Start the business. Have the hard conversation. Speak up at work. Say yes to something that makes your stomach flip. Do something that feels a little scary. Did you know, your brain has a hard time distinguishing between fear and excitement? If you want to do something, but you feel nervous, tell yourself, “I’m just excited” and see how that feels.
   
   
   

Ready to Stop Waiting and Start Living?

Confidence isn’t reserved for the lucky ones—it’s built by the women who decide they’re done settling. Women who are ready to step into the most empowered version of themselves so they can live a life that f*cking feels good. Because they know, they aren’t getting any younger.

Want more straight-up, no-fluff, midlife chit-chat on building the boldest, most electric version of yourself so you can live a life that curls your toes? Join my Dare You To Move email newsletter below for weekly insights, real talk, and the loving push you need to freaking go for it.

And by the way,

🔥 Midlife isn’t a crisis. It’s a f*cking wake-up call. What are you going to do with it?