Midlife People-Pleasing : How Boundaries Will Set You Free

Being Nice Doesn’t Mean Always Saying Yes

Women have been raised to believe that we need to be “nice.” We were taught that our value is wrapped up in being a “nice girl.'“ And part of being nice is saying yes, even when we want to say no. It’s keeping the peace and swallowing our needs. It’s being a “good person” and bending over backward for everyone else while running on fumes.

Spoiler alert: Like most of the societal conditioning we received growing up, that’s bullshit.

There’s a difference between being nice and being kind. (I’m all for kindness.)

But let’s be clear, people-pleasing is not kindness—it’s self-abandonment in a cute disguise. It drains your energy, fuels resentment, and chips away at your self-worth. We start to believe from an early age that our worth = being a nice girl. That if we aren’t “nice” it means something about our character.

It’s time to rewrite this message because make no mistake, you’ll NEVER live your best life until you unhook from your people pleasing patterns.

Why the Hell Is It So Hard to Set Boundaries?

It’s normal for women to get to midlife and not know how to set boundaries. We were never taught that what we need and want was a priority. Check out my blog post on The Good Girl Myth: Why Midlife Women Are No Longer Buying It.

- We grew up being told to be “good girls”—polite, accommodating, agreeable. Nice.

- We’ve been conditioned to fear disappointing people, and the underlying message is, other people’s comfort matters more than ours.

- We carry guilt like it’s a badge of honor, feeling responsible for other people’s emotions.

And so, we keep saying yes—when we mean no. We keep over-giving. We keep betraying ourselves. Until one day, we wake up exhausted, resentful, and wondering why the “selfish” people in our lives never consider our needs.

Newsflash: We never showed them how. We never told them our needs are in fact a priority. Because no one ever told us!

Signs You Might Be a People-Pleaser aka “Nice Girl”

If you’re wondering whether you’re stuck in a nice-girl, people pleasing cycle, let’s do a quick gut check:

- You feel resentful because you say yes when you want to say no.

- You are always last on your own list.

- You avoid confrontation or rocking the boat.

- You feel low-key pissed when rely on you to always show up, help out, or sacrifice your time—because they’ve gotten so used to you having zero boundaries.

Sound familiar? Then, babe, it’s time to take your power back.

The Truth About Boundaries (That No One Told You)

Here’s something ALL women need to hear:

- Boundaries aren’t mean. They’re self-respect. Self care. Self preservation.

- Saying no doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you authentic.

-The people who benefit from your lack of boundaries will be the most upset when you start setting them. This DOES NOT make setting boundaries wrong, just be ready for the push back.

When you start protecting your time, energy, and peace, some people will be uncomfortable. Let them. The ones who truly love and respect you will adjust. Here’s a deeper look at boundaries and how to set them.

A Simple Framework for Saying No (Guilt Free)

Let’s be honest—saying no can feel hard when you’re used to being the one who always says yes. When you start to set boundaries, you will feel like you’re doing something wrong. This is because you’re not used to it. NOT because it IS wrong. Read that again!

And here’s the thing: You’re a grown ass woman! You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. A simple, firm response will do the trick. Try these:

- “I can’t commit to that right now.” (No further explanation needed.)

- “That doesn’t work for me, but I appreciate you thinking of me.” (This is my go-to.)

- “I need to honor my time and energy, so I have to say no.”

See? No excuses, no apologizing, no justifying. Just a clean, confident no.

Ready to Take Back Your Power?

If people-pleasing has been running your life, consider this your wake-up call.

Because one thing I DO know is, you will never be able to create your best midlife until you break free from putting everyone’s needs in front of your own.

If you need help with this, scroll down and sign up for my free Dare You To Move newsletter. You’ll get a hefty dose of weekly empowerment, plus tools and tips to live your best f*cking midlife. Because who has time to waste?

I want to hear from you—have you been stuck in the people-pleasing trap? What’s one boundary you’re ready to set this week? Drop it in the comments. Your Best Midlife is counting on you!