The Midlife Woman’s Guide To Getting What She Wants

What if I told you, the only thing standing between you and the life you want is the courage to ask for it? If you’re anything like me, you spend WAY too much time overthinking, and not enough time believing you ARE the woman who can live her dreams.

I spent decades shrinking myself. Not because I had nothing to say, but because I was paralyzed by fear. Fears that had been ingrained in me since childhood. I had developed massive self doubt and faulty beliefs because of these fears.

• I didn’t speak up because I didn’t feel smart enough to be part of the conversation. (Despite having a master’s degree.)

• I didn’t speak up because I was afraid people would get upset. ( A BIG no-no.)

• I had the faulty belief that if I had a conflict with someone, I was a bad person. (No one modeled healthy conflict in my family, everyone just stayed quiet.)

• I was terrified to be challenged. (The unwritten rule was conflict was scary and bad.)

• I was afraid of judgment. (What if people didn’t like me? Women and girls learn this is a fate worse than death! )

• And the ultimate MacDaddy of them all: I was terrified that if I spoke my truth and showed you who I really was, people would leave me.

If any of this resonates with you, know that you are not alone. These fears don’t just disappear overnight and after carrying them for decades, they start to feel like truth. But here’s what I’ve learned after I DECIDED I deserve better. I invested time, money, and energy in my best self. My future self. I invested in therapy. Coaching. And personal growth work so I could unravel from all the bullshit conditioning I grew up with. And what I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is overthinking, second guessing, and people pleasing DO NOT SERVE ME! And they don’t serve you either. I learned:

• Communicating my thoughts, beliefs, needs, and desires was and is the gateway to living my best life.

• I am safe to speak up and speak out. In fact, I am more empowered when I show up fully.

• When I speak my truth, I deepen my relationships, attract the right people, and build unshakable confidence.

So how do you override self-doubt and fear? How do you break free from limiting beliefs and start showing up like the inspired and empowered woman you want to be? How do you build your confidence so you can create your next, best chapter? Especially when you’ve held these limiting beliefs for decades.

Let’s get into it.

The #1 Confidence Killer for Midlife Women

Overthinking. Plain and simple. The endless loop of “What are they going to think?” or “What if they get mad at me?” or “What if I fail?” keeps you stuck in a cycle of self-doubt. Your brain is wired to protect you from perceived threats, but guess what? Speaking your mind is not a threat. Overthinking doesn’t plague me anymore but it took me a LONG ass time to unravel this. It took me realizing my own faulty belief system was to blame from my lack of confidence.

The One Decision You Need to Make Today

Decide you’re committed to being your FULL self. That showing up as the fullest version of YOU matters. Not a watered down version of you.

Confidence doesn’t come from waiting until you feel ready. It comes from believing you’re worthy of whatever it is you want (that your lack of confidence is keeping you from.) And hear me when I say, confidence comes from action. You don’t have to feel confident to be confident—you just have act. If you don’t believe me, read this. 

The more you take action, speak up, ask for what you want, the more confident you get and the easier it becomes and the more you’ll have the belief that you CAN live your best life.

Confidence follows action, rather than the other way around. Building confidence is a process. There is a confidence cycle.

You gain confidence by doing, not by waiting. And definitely not by thinking it to death. And THIS is is how you start to create your best midlife! Ask me how I know. ;)

How to Rewire Your Brain to Build Self-Trust and Make Bold Moves

1. Catch the Overthinking – Notice when you’re spiraling in self-doubt and say (out loud if you can), “Is this helping me?” or ask “Is this truth?”

2. Reframe the Fear – Instead of being afraid of failure ask, “What will happen when I succeed?” Instead of wondering “What will they say/think?” try asking yourself, “Who the f*ck cares what they say/think?” (This one always works for me!)

3. Practice Micro-Bravery – Start small. Speak up in a low-stakes situation. Return your food that isn’t quite right at a restaurant. Tell a friend your real opinion. Initiate that hard conversation. Each time you use your voice, you build trust in yourself. And make no mistake, baby steps are still steps, Baby!

4. Celebrate Your Wins – Confidence is built by doing and by logging evidence. Keep a journal of the moments you did something bold or new. The times you take risks or show up unapologetically. Over time, you’ll collect your wins and show yourself that you ARE the woman that can enter a room confidently, ask for what she needs, and create a life she loves.

A Quick Practice to Shift from Self-Doubt to Self-Confidence

Next time you’re hesitating to speak up or ask for what you want, pause and do this:

1. Take a deep breath in, hold for four seconds, then exhale slowly.

2. Ask yourself, “What’s the best possible outcome if I say this?”

3. Ground yourself with a power statement: My voice matters. My desires matter. I matter.

4. Say it. Hit send. Raise your hand. Speak the f*ck up.

Building midlife confidence after decades of people pleasing, overthinking, and putting your needs on the back burner is anything but easy. It takes self awareness, willingness to allow yourself to ask for more, and deciding you are worthy of a life that turns you the f*ck on!

Midlife is your time to take up space, to own your desires, and to live life on your terms. Unapologetically and guilt free! No more holding back. No more staying small. You are ready to reclaim your power. You are ready to become the woman who can live her best f*cking life. No matter what anyone else has to say about it. 

Because who has time to waste?

Are you ready? Let’s go.

If this felt all to familiar, you don’t have to walk this journey alone. Join my newsletter for Midlife Women, Dare You To Move,  for weekly insights, empowering tips, and the real talk you need to help you embrace aging and step into your confidence so you can create the life that will curl your toes. In all the best ways! ;)

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